Beginning, Previous Section, Section IV
Chapter 26
The next day Anne awoke with an upset stomach and a bad taste in her mouth. As if things couldn't get any worse now she was sick. She lay in bed staring at the ceiling for fifteen minutes before she was able to psych herself into getting up and out of bed. She rolled over onto her side and got her feet on the floor. Then pushing with her hands she managed to sit up. Head down, her hair hanging in her face, Anne trudged to the bathroom and promptly threw up.
Anne had a rotten night, which only got worse after she got home. Her reflections of the evening led her to a restless night and it was almost dawn when she finally got to sleep at all.
She was hurt and humiliated beyond anything her family had ever put her though. She just couldn't believe the irrational things William had said in front of Frederick. Where did he get them? She couldn't believe that William thought that she'd accept it without a qualm. Does he think I'm stupid? She couldn't believe that William wouldn't let her speak. Did he expect me to swoon at his feet? But most of all she couldn't believe that Frederick believed it. Oh G-d, That he could think so meanly of her was the worst part. Please tell me what to do. I don't think I can take much more of this. She'd tried to tell him but it was too late. Why did he have to run away? Is it jealousy or something more? But he should've known... he should! I should have shouted it across the crowded theatre. He must know that her love would not be done away in ten months when it lasted through eight lonely years. Years! Wasted. And to be slandered in front of the one person that mattered to her most, it was too much. And Frederick believed it all. How could he?
Could his jealousy of William blind him so much that he couldn't tell the truth?
Anne shakily stood up and rinsed her mouth out. She wanted this day to be over with as soon as possible. She'd made plans to spend the afternoon with the Musgroves but she could barely stand let alone drive. She would have to cancel. Anne grabbed a soft yellow blanket and crept to the couch where she lay down and rested her aching bones.
Anne dozed off and on throughout the day, barely moving through her lethargy. She couldn't think clearly, she just wanted to rest. The phone rang at about four p.m., the sound of the bell slashed through the air sending Anne's head into a tailspin. She groaned as she reached over to the side table and said a fuzzy hello.
"H'lo?" It even hurt to speak.
"Anne? Are you alright?" Mrs. Musgrove's voice showed her concern. "We thought you'd be here by now. Is everything okay?"
"'M a litle sick today, Mizzuz Muzgruve 'm 'fraid I won't be able to make it. 'm surry I din't call earlier." Anne had her eyes closed and almost fell asleep as the kind lady sympathized and told her to take fluids and get plenty of rest. Anne 'mm hmmed' and "yezm'ed' until Mrs. Musgrove talked herself out and let Anne go. Reaching over she hung the phone up on the lamp and fell asleep with her arm lying over her forehead. Minutes later the bzzzzzing of the disconnected phone disturbed her enough to cause her to turn over but after that she was motionless until the next morning, feeling a lot better, if a little stiff.
She slowly stretched her muscles getting the kinks out when her cell phone rang. She got up stiffly and walked lazily to her purse where she kept her phone. She looked at the caller ID and saw that it was Mrs. Musgrove again. "Hello? Is something wrong?" Anne raised her hand over her head to relieve the pain in her back from sleeping so long in one position.
"No, my dear, I was just calling to make sure that you are all right. Your phone is off the hook." Anne looked over to the table and saw that the phone was on the lampshade.
"Oh, I guess I was too tired last night and didn't pay attention. Thank you." She replaced the receiver back onto the cradle then walked to the fridge to see what she had to eat. She was starving.
"Are you feeling better now?"
Anne yawned widely. "Much better. I guess it was just one of those bugs." She grabbed the carton of milk and poured herself a glass.
"Well good, because we postponed our little barbecue last night so you'd have a chance to be there."
"Oh, you really shouldn't have, Mrs. Musgrove, I'm terribly sorry."
"Nonsense, if you're sick you're sick, I'm sure you would have come if you could. Besides, you're family and we want you to be there."
Anne smiled into the phone, if someone could get a hug through the telephone lines, she imagined that she'd just experienced it. The Musgroves were such good kind people. She was proud to know them. "I thank you for that. I would love to come over. When should I be there?"
"Anytime you can make it, dear. It's just a family affair. Sort of a celebration for Lori and Benwick. Lori is still a bit unsteady you know and so it's not going to be a huge gathering."
"Yes, of course, well sometimes simple is best. I'll just take a quick shower and be right over. I appreciate your calling, Mrs. Musgrove. Bye." Anne switched off the cell phone. She was rather glad that she'd neglected to hang the phone up properly since William was sure to have called yesterday. She didn't want to talk to him ever again. Anne hopped in the shower and quickly washed the cigar smoke out of her hair.
Frederick didn't fare much better although he managed to talk himself out of driving straight to San Diego that night. He did have work to do but it was something that could be put off until later. Instead, he carefully thought about his actions that evening. He was premature, he'd decided, and jumped to a hasty conclusion. What was I supposed to think? It was impossible to think of Anne living with that... that... jerk without seeing red but the more he did think of it, the more he felt that it was all a mistake on his part. Anne didn't refute William but then, he'd never given her the opportunity too. Fool. You didn't give her the benefit of the doubt. He looked back and remembered her reaction to it all. She was mad. On fire. Madder then he'd ever seen her before. So couldn't that mean that William spoke out of turn? He should have remembered what Sofie wrote in her letter. She would have mentioned it and you had to pass judgment without giving Anne a chance to speak. Frederick lay awake on the bed looking at the faint scratch marks on the windowpane illuminated by the street lamp. I love you. How come I can't bring myself to tell you? Now that he knew they were there he couldn't help but to see them every time he looked. They spoke of something deeper and more precious than the runes of ancient Egypt. They were a testament of their true love for one another and no pompous, slimy... meatball of an agent was going to get in their way. Frederick was for damn sure of it. His blood throbbed at the thought of the battle he was waging. I am my only enemy. It was the most important battle of his entire life, the one that would decide his future. For what future could there be without Anne? Empty. He'd had a taste of it and it soured his heart and mind with the bitterness of solitude. He would fight to the end for Anne. And this time there would be no stopping him. Frederick balled his fists up in determination. This time I won't fail.
Frederick sat in the living room of the Musgrove's house resting a drink on his knee. He'd been disappointed yesterday when Anne didn't show up and got worried when he'd heard that she was sick. But he did hear for a fact from Mrs. Musgrove that she was indeed living alone. Frederick kicked himself, what does Anne think of me now? He felt his confidence eroding again.
So he sat in the chair next to the window, looking out for Anne and talking absentmindedly to Harville, who was in town with Benwick. At first, Harville was bewildered at the news of Benwick and Lori's engagement. However, the more he got to know Lori the more he became willing to forgive Benwick for replacing Francine. But there would always be a pang of disappointment when he thought of his sister. No matter what his feelings were on the subject, Harville would not spoil the occasion with out of place remarks, Francine would not approve of it if he did and he did like Lori very much. He'd agreed to come up for a visit to help get things rolling and to see Frederick again who'd been conspicuously absent in the last few months.
It was obvious that Frederick was not paying much attention to Harville, for Frederick was delayed in his replies and not once did he look at him. Harville had never seen him act so distracted before and he was determined to find out why. His plan to get Frederick to talk was simple but ingenious, he asked Frederick to accompany him outside for a smoke. Frederick readily got up; he was getting impatient. Every minute he expected Anne to drive up and the anticipation was eating his nerves. Once outside Harville lit up a cigarette, shielding it from the breeze. He inhaled deeply and looked from the curling smoke of the cigarette to his friend. "Frederick, I know something is bothering you. Won't you tell me what it is?"
Frederick looked at him, startled. "It's nothing I care to discuss. It's a personal matter." He hoped that Harville wouldn't pry any closer but he was disappointed.
"Ah... personal. Does it have to do with a certain young woman? Someone who we all know?"
Frederick glanced around. "You know? I never told anyone..."
"Come on, Frederick, we all saw the way you and Lori hung around each other last year. Frankly I'm surprised that she chose someone else and I'm very sorry that it was your best friend but can't you be happy for their sakes? Look at me, I'm trying my hardest to forget that Benwick wasn't engaged to my sister only a few months ago."
Frederick laughed, relieved that he had not guessed the real person. "Lori? You think I'm pining for Lori? Lori's a sweet girl and I wish her happiness but I never was serious about her. We were always just friends. No, it's not Lori who I'm..." Here Frederick stopped pained and embarrassed to speak any further.
"Yes?" Harville took another drag off his cigarette then turned his head as a dry cough hacked through his body. He mumbled an apology.
"I don't like to speak of it. I knew her when I was in college... she was a freshman and I was about to graduate. She was... like nothing I've ever known before. We got engaged." Harville looked up in surprise. Frederick's voice got bitter, "But her family didn't approve of me. I wasn't good enough for them and they talked her out of it. They were sort of right, I wasn't good enough for... her. Frankly, I could care less about them." Frederick picked a leaf off a branch and started to tear it to pieces. "I was at OCS by then and I didn't know until too late. They pressured her, Harville. You don't know what she went through, I'll never know. She wrote to me..." Frederick bit his lip remembering the letter he's received and the pain he felt when reading it. "Anyway, I never saw her again until last year and despite the separation and the distance, I still love her. I never really stopped loving her." Frederick shoved his hands deep into his pockets and looked at Harville. "You think I'm a fool don't you?"
"No. No, on the contrary, this explains a lot of things. Why have you never said anything before? I've known you for seven years, I had no idea about this."
"I wanted to forget. I was hurt and angry. I see her sometimes here and there. She's always with someone though. It's so strange. I don't see her for almost nine years and then after a chance encounter I can't help but run into her everyplace I go." He gave a dry bitter laugh. "Listen to me, I sound like some lovesick fool. I guess I am. You should have seen her the other night. She was... so beautiful so lovely. But the man she was with... he said some things about her that made me livid. I almost punched his lights out. I would have if A... if she were not standing there. I jumped to the wrong conclusions and I'm back at where I started." Frederick shook his head. "Anyway, I have a slim chance of reconciliation with her but I can never bring myself to speaking." Frederick dug his toe into the gravel of the driveway and then looked into his friend's honest face. "I'm scared. I don't know what to do and I'm scared."
"Will you tell me who she is?" He flicked the ash onto the ground.
Frederick thought about it. "No. I don't want her to be pressured from anyone in either direction. She deserves better. And if things don't work out... if I'm wrong, then I want her to have the privacy of her refusal."
Harville sighed. "I wish I could help. I'd like to meet this woman. Good luck, Frederick. You know, I always thought it was strange that you'd never had a steady girl. Now I know why. You were love sick." Harville tossed his cigarette onto the gravel and ground it in with his heel. "Shall we go back inside?"
Frederick nodded and they both turned back towards the house. He felt better now that he told Harville. Lighter somehow. He knew that he would have the courage to talk to Anne today.
Chapter 27
Anne drove up not long after Frederick's talk with Harville. The pleasure that the inhabitants displayed at her arrival was infectious and a smile spread over her face as she walked in to the house with Mr. Musgrove who was talking up a storm and Helen who took her coat to put away. Mary was at the forefront of the group and filled up the brief pauses with descriptions of her last cold. Anne's smile faltered somewhat but resumed itself when she saw Frederick standing next to Benwick. Anne was surprised to find him there. She had thought him miles away, gone back to San Diego. Her heart gave a little flip when she thought that he'd stayed for her sake. That he understood at last. His attitude was changed too. He didn't have that angry resentful look that he'd had the last time she saw him, as he was walking through the kitchen at the premier. He had a repentant trustful look that gave her hope. She brightened up considerably when she saw him and flashed an encouraging smile at him while she said hello to her hosts.
Anne gave hugs and kisses all around, trying not to step on the boys who were on the floor watching TV, and went over to Benwick to greet him in the same manner as he was now considered one of the family, even if it was not actually formalized yet. Frederick was standing so close that the fine hairs on her arms brushed against his shirt making them stand on end. She felt the almost uncontrollable need to enfold her arms around Frederick like she almost did the other night when she stumbled. Anne grew heated as she thought of how close they were. She greeted Frederick softly, a little nervously, wondering if he'd forgiven her William's comments the other night. It looked like he did.
Anne held up her hand for him to take but Mr. Musgrove spoke up jovially. "Oh, for goodness sake, Anne, no formality here. We're all family... give him a hug."
Anne smiled to herself, thanking the man silently for such timely advise. She looked up at Frederick to see if he was willing and shyly wrapped her arms around him. She let out an almost inaudible sigh that only Frederick could hear as she felt his arms gently embrace her. She squeezed for the fleetest of seconds, relishing the feeling of completeness. She slowly released him not able to look into his eyes or else she would get lost in them again.
Frederick held his breath as Anne held him and felt a surge of contentment as she seemed to lean into him. He grew more confident as time went by and, with the confederacy of the Musgroves, all be it, unknown to them, he would soon know how much Anne still regarded him before long.
Anne cleared her throat. "I'm surprised to see you, Frederick. I understood that you were to go away."
Frederick looked confused until he remembered what he said the other night. "Oh, yes. I found that it wasn't all that necessary. I have some things to do here before I go. It's rather important that I finish what I started."
Anne smiled up at him daring herself to look into his face and read what was there. Then Lori interrupted their silent gazing by talking about her wedding and the plans she was making. Anne, who was really interested in the plans, dutifully sat down next to her to look at flower choices and colors, bridal gown and the ever present and ever dreaded bride's maid dresses. Anne smiled through out all of it and gave little hints and encouragements when asked to. Lori was so transparent in her happiness, it was such a joy to see. Anne readily involved herself with some of the arrangements, promising to play the piano for the bride's entrance into the chapel and they went through various sheets of music to consider for the procession. Helen was to be the maid of honor and Frederick was Benwick's best man and that's all that Lori wanted for a bridal party. It was to be a small, simple wedding, not cluttered up with a lot of stuff and nonsense. Since Lori still couldn't see very well, Anne offered to help her write out the guest list. Every one had suggestions of whom to invite but Lori was adamant that it was to be kept very small. There was one question that she had for Anne though in regards to her date.
"Will be you bringing William?" Lori leaned back and felt swatches of fabric squares. She was inclined towards the white satin but her hands were constantly drawn to the creamy silk. She couldn't make up her mind.
Anne looked up from her writing. "Who? Oh... him." Anne's voice dropped a notch with contempt. "No. I won't be bring him." Anne couldn't bring herself to say his name, especially in front of Frederick. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw that he was paying rapt attention to her, the magazine he held lay forgotten in his lap. Anne quickly looked back at the sheet of paper in front of her.
"Oh, well, I'll leave it up to you in case you change your mind." Lori picked up a soft cotton swatch and ran her hands over it for a while.
"I doubt it," Was Anne's muttered reply. Fortunately, Lori didn't hear her, but Frederick, who was closer than she realized, could hear every word she said. His heart leapt and thump thumped. This was proof that Anne held no regard for her father's agent. What more could he need? If she were serious about him, a wedding, a family wedding at that, would be the first place Anne would want to take him. He closed the magazine softly and looked as if he were about to speak but he soon found himself employed otherwise as Mrs. Musgrove needed some things brought from her car into the room.
Harville had found all this to be extremely interesting. Until Anne had showed up he had no definite idea who the mystery lady could be, but things Frederick had dropped gave him some clues to work from. He knew, for instance, that she went to the same college as Frederick. He had a rough idea of her age, about twenty-eight or nine if she were eighteen when she'd entered as a freshman. She was ignored by her family. Frederick had recent contact with her starting from last year, and he acted like a complete simpleton when she was near. These were clues indeed and the more he saw the two together the more he was sure who Frederick meant.
Anne finished writing down the first draft of the guest list and sat back to enjoy the view from the window just opposite. She was dreaming of better days to come when Harville startled her out of her reverie.
"Anne, I see that everyone else is occupied with things, and since you don't seem to be doing anything I was wondering if you would like to play a game with me."
Anne thought this was a strange request, after all this was supposed to be an engagement party, sort of. But since no one seemed to object and Harville looked like he had something very important on his mind, she agreed and they settled on a game to play.
Chapter 28
Frederick slammed the car door and walked back into the house carrying a large box of groceries. He deposited it in the kitchen and went back to see if he could get Anne to go for a walk with him. The suspense was killing him. Frederick paused before the living room and looked for her. There she was, over in the corner sitting next to Harville. Oh no. He knew what Harville was up to and was in dread of its conclusion. He wanted to find Anne's feelings for himself not based on second hand conjectures. He saw that they had just started a Scrabble game, it would be a while until they would finish.
Frederick sat in a nearby chair and picked up the magazine he was trying to read before not able to concentrate on it for a minute. He could hear Anne's soft voice speaking to Harville over the clatter of the tiles as they were setting up the game. Her voice swept over him until he lost all knowledge other than her presence. He would just listen and wait for his chance.
Anne went first, starting the game.
Harville spoke low so as not to disturb the rest of the people in the room. There wasn't much chance of it however; the only ones in the room were themselves and Frederick and the two Musgrove boys watching a movie on TV. It was a Muppet Movie of some sort. Kermit was all dressed up as a pirate. All the others were busy somewhere else. Some party. He took his time over his choice of letters.
"Anne, I know this sounds a bit odd, but do you think that Lori and Benwick will be happy together?"
Anne looked up, surprised. She glanced at the man next to her. "I can't say. I'm not an expert in this sort of thing. My experience has not taught me to be optimistic. But they have as good a chance as any, better when you consider what they've already been through together."
Harville then spoke as much to relieve his own thoughts as to discern Anne's. "I am surprised at Benwick. I like to think that Francine would not have forgotten him so soon."
"No, that I can easily believe." Anne replied in a low, feeling voice. These words spoke to her heart.
"It was not in her nature, she doted on him." He rearranged some tiles as he spoke.
"It would not be the nature of any woman who truly loved." She kept her eyes steadily on her tile pieces trying to find words in them.
Harville smiled. "Do you think so?"
"Yes, I do. We certainly do not forget you as you forget us. It is perhaps our fate rather than our merit. We cannot help ourselves, our feelings prey upon us. We wonder what we could have done or should have done differently. Men, at least those in your profession, are forced to exert themselves and continual occupation and change eventually weaken past relationships." She smiled back at him, trying to pretend that all was right with her and not succeeding.
"My profession certainly does change men, but not always for the worse and not the way you imply. But this does not apply to Benwick. He has not been forced upon any exertion. He has been living and working with us ever since he got out of active duty."
"That's true. And Francine had been gone before that too. Well then, I must suppose that if the change is not from outward circumstances then it must be in man's nature."
"No, for shame, it is not in man's nature at all. Women are just as changeable and tend forget those they love, or have loved. Let me tell you a hypothesis I have. I believe that since men's bodies have more strength, our feelings are stronger." He said this to get a rise out of Anne.
"Your feelings may be the strongest, but the flip side of your hypothesis would allow me to say that ours are the most tender," Anne rejoined.
"We shall never agree on this subject." Harville was about to elaborate when Anne cut him off.
"No. We can never expect to prove anything. We have a difference of opinion, which will not give way to proof. We'll each start with a little bias towards out own sex and build upon it with every anecdote that we can think of. And some that will not be told without betraying a confidence or... personal experience, saying things best left unsaid."
Harville leaned over the game smiling wanly. "If I could make you comprehend what a man suffers when he takes one last look at his wife and children standing on a pier waving goodbye when he deploys. To spend six months or a year away from them, to be left wondering if they will ever meet again... It's not called "tears and piers" for nothing. And when we return, to see the smiling faces of our families after a long, hard absence or even extending a contract just to be able to bring them out with us, and then counting down the days and hours until they're there by your side... If I could explain this to you, and tell you that a man, for the sake of his family, those treasures of his existence, will do all that he can do and more, just for them, until the very last." He paused for breath, having spoken more than he thought he had in him. He finally played a word.
Anne grabbed his hand and held it. "I do know. G-d forbid that I should undervalue the true and faithful feelings of anyone. I did not mean to say that women were the only ones to know true love and constancy. I believe men to be capable of everything great and good. My only point, and it's not an enviable one, is that women have the ability of loving the longest, when all hope or existence is gone." She looked so earnestly into Harville's eyes that he smiled at her and patted her cheek.
"You are a good soul. I believe you." Turning his attention back to the game, he let her have a few moments peace to compose herself.
Frederick however, could not let her have any peace. He was close enough to hear every syllable that Anne spoke and it blazed through him like wildfire. He flipped the magazine shut, startling Anne. She didn't realize he was quite so close. She lowered her head and studiously examined her letters not making heads or tails of them, only understanding that she had four vowels and three consonants. Frederick got up and offered to join the game if it were not too late. Harville told him that they'd just started and would need a third to keep from becoming very dull. He moved over so Frederick could sit down across from Anne.
Frederick grabbed seven letters and placed them in the holder. It would be his turn since the others had already gone. He studied the letters already played and the tiles in his own set. He put down a word and turned the board around to face Anne. It was her turn. She read the word that Frederick put down to see what his score was. His word was FORGIVE. She recorded the score and then played her turn. Harville took forever, giving Frederick a chance to speak but he never did. Frederick waited patiently; he had the letter he wanted to play.
Finally, Harville made up his mind to go and it was Frederick's turn again. He put down only one tile next to an M. It spelled ME. Anne looked at him slightly, her thoughts in confusion and duly wrote down the score. Frederick grabbed another tile from the bag and studied the letters before him. With some rearranging he managed to get something suitable. When his turn came back up he put down PLEASE. Anne's breath caught in her throat, FORGIVE ME PLEASE? Was he doing this on purpose or was he just playing whatever words came up? She looked at him apprehensively but he was intent on his next move. Anne turned her attention to the board but she could not concentrate. How could she be expected to when his very presence unnerved her?
Frederick took his time when his turn came up again wanting to make his message clear. Really, this was the best luck he'd ever had when playing Scrabble. Anne held her breath in anticipation of the next word. It was START, on a double word score. Anne hastily put something down and waited impatiently for Harville to go. Frederick's next word was OVER. Anne's eyes widened and looked up at Frederick but he'd excused himself, he needed something to drink. Anne felt her heart alternately soar and sink. He wants to start over! Where is he going?
Frederick went to the kitchen looking for any means to communicate with Anne besides Scrabble pieces; the game just wasn't going fast enough for him. He tore off a paper towel from the roll hanging under the cabinet and grabbing a pen from the counter, wrote down what it was he wanted to say. He wrote from his heart, pouring all that he had into it. The makeshift letter was folded up carelessly. Taking a cup from the counter, he filled it with water and walked back into the living room. He was nervous so nervous his hands were trembling, the water in the glass rippled as if to show his eagerness. Frederick sat down and handed the glass to Anne. She took it with a puzzled look, she did not ask for a glass of water. He handed her the napkin. This is it, he thought, there is no turning back now. Frederick prayed that she would give him another chance. Anne took the napkin giving him a curious expression. He watched as she placed the napkin on the table next to the score sheet. His heart sank. Look at it, Anne. She played a word and started to record her score when she noticed dark squiggles on the napkin. She looked up at Frederick questioningly. He pleaded with his eyes, read it, she dropped her gaze to the napkin that was in her hand. Anne slipped it in her lap and unfolded it. Anne felt her heartbeat quicken when she saw the words written hastily on it. Glancing once more at Frederick, she read.
I can no longer sit in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my means. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me that I am not too late, that such precious feelings are gone forever. I offer myself to you again with a heart that was even more your own than when you almost broke it nine years ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you. Unjust I may have been, week and resentful I have been, but never inconstant. You alone have brought me back. For you alone, I think and plan. Have you not seen this? Can you fail to have understood my wishes? I would not have waited ten days, could I have read your feelings as I think you have penetrated mine. I can hardly write. You do believe that there is true attachment and constancy among men. Believe it to be most fervent, most undeviating, in your Frederick. A word, a look, will be enough to decide whether I enter your life or not. No matter what you decide our fate to be, know that I will always love you.Frederick
Harville took an eternity to get a word on the board giving Anne enough time to read her note, but not enough time to compose her thoughts. Anne was amazed to find that she could still breathe with all the pounding her heart was doing. He loved her. Her eyes were glued to the note in her hands, her face flushed with surprise and happiness. Frederick had watched her anxiously as she read the letter and knew without a doubt that she was his. He arranged his letters with Harville's so that they spelled out the one special word he'd wanted to say for a long time. When Anne finally looked up at Frederick she found him gazing at her. "It's your turn," he said. Anne anxiously looked at the word he'd put down. It was MARRY. Anne looked back up at him and saw him lower his finger to another word already played. She lowered her eyes to the board. The word was ME. MARRY ME. She looked up at him with tears of happiness in her eyes. It seemed too good to be true.
Frederick abruptly got up and declared to Harville that he was going for a walk and would be back later. Harville acquiesced; he'd seen enough to know that the game was over. He silently wished them luck and turned to watch the movie with the boys.
Anne got up quickly, scraping the chair along the floor and followed Frederick out of the house. She stopped at the front stoop and looked around for him. He was standing by the side gate. He didn't say a word. Anne shut the door behind her. It seemed as if she couldn't find the breath to speak. Frederick went to her. That she accepted almost brought him down to his knees. Anne stood there and waited for him to come, not trusting herself to move. Frederick reached her and brought up a hand to touch her soft hair. A tear slipped away and rolled down her cheek.
"I've missed you, Anne." His voice was jagged, filled with nine years of unspoken passion. He cupped her face softly with his palm, running his thumb over her cheek wiping the tear from her face. "I've missed you so much." Anne felt all her breath go rushing out in a wave of forgotten indulgence, leaning into his hand relishing the feel of his touch. She closed her eyes and willed her heart not to burst. She'd waited for him for so long. So very long that this moment seemed like a dream.
Frederick caressed the back of her head, running his fingers through her hair. He leaned in closer and brought his lips next to hers. He hovered over her like a moth to a flame, breathing in as she breathed out, sharing the same air, the same heartbeat. Then, softly, tenderly, he kissed her lips. The kiss grew more passionate until Frederick wanted to just crawl into her forever. Anne grabbed the back of his shirt and pulled him closer to her. They kissed each other until their desire grew into something that threatened to overpower them.
At last they parted, gasping for air and wonderfully satisfied. Anne no longer had trouble looking into Frederick's soft gray eyes. She saw love and understanding and respect there.
Frederick cupped Anne's face and gently kissed her. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to regain his composure. "I think we need to talk. I... need to be alone with you. Will you come with me?" Anne could only nod, she was still trying to catch her breath. He took Anne's hand and led her across the street to Sofie's house and down the hall to his room. When they reached the door Frederick stopped. He realized that he never got around to telling her what was foremost on his mind. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, "I love you, Anne."
Chapter 29
What happened afterwards can easily be guessed. The weather that had so occupied Frederick's mind at Walter's birthday party showed up again and they spent an afternoon rediscovering their love for each other as the heavy pitter patter of rain beat against the window. Afterwards as they lay in each other's arms, they talked about the events that led up to this day and watched as the fat raindrops rolled down the windowpane washing their little etching clean. Frederick told her of his actions of the past year. He'd never meant to lead her family to think he was in love with Lori, he was hampered by his own inability to see what he was doing until it was too late. When Lori dove into the ocean, he saw his life flash before his eyes. He saw a bleak and meaningless life without his Anne. That was the cataclysm that showed him for once and for all that he had been unfair to Anne, that he should have sought her out from the first moment he saw her standing in the doorway, but by then it was too late.
"I was out at sea and had nothing but my self-recriminations. I thought of nothing but you and my life was a living hell when I thought you with William Elliot." He saw Anne's questioning gaze and kissed her softly. "Sofie sent me a home video. You were in it and so was that..." Frederick didn't want to say his name. "I was jealous. I thought my chance had gone, that once again I blew it. By the way, thank you very much for your present. I wish I'd had the courage to use it." Frederick stroked the pads of his fingers over her soft shoulder and continued, "We pulled into port a few days later and the next thing I knew I was wandering back to the ship with a broken collarbone and some nasty bruises." Anne looked at the telltale bump on his shoulder and ran her hand over it. "I almost got myself killed. But then Sofie sent me another letter and it gave me hope. So I determined that I would set out to find you and discover for myself if you could ever take me back into your heart. I had a devil of a time finding you. I didn't know how to go about it until I was assigned to your dad's movie. The hope of seeing you again kept me from going insane." He hugged Anne close to him, relishing the feel of her skin next to his. Anne then told him of her surprise and pleasure at seeing him at the set, her father had not mentioned him to her at all. She relayed her fears that William might have made him jealous and Frederick confessed that it was jealousy that drove him away. He couldn't excuse his behavior the other night when he walked out on her and was ready to let Anne blame him for it. He was overwhelmed when he found out that Anne had run after him but pleased when Anne told him that she made it perfectly clear to William that she would not see him again. They talked until they had nothing left to say, then loved each other until they fell asleep wrapped up around each other, both content with the world and with themselves.
The conclusion of this history should certain to anyone who followed Anne and Frederick though their years of separation. That they married soon after their reunion is obvious and their joy on the occasion can hardly be surpassed and certainly cannot be conveyed by mere words. Those who called themselves their friends rejoiced at the marriage and indeed, little could be done to mar the day, not even Walter and Elizabeth's cold disdain for the participants. Anne and Frederick chose to overlook those that sneered at them, they only had eyes for each other; Anne dressed in a simple white frock and Frederick in his uniform, holding hands as the minister married them, performing this last rite of sanctity that bound them together before the eyes of G-d.
There's just one little incident that is of any importance to this story and it took place not long after that disastrous evening at Walter's premier...
Anne lay on the couch with her head in Frederick lap. He stroked her hair lightly, every now and then they spoke but their old habit of sitting in silence just to take pleasure from each other's company proved too strong for them to overcome. They were content to sit there for the time being until someone knocked on the door.
Knock knock knock
Anne sighed to herself as she got up off the couch, kissing Frederick on the cheek. She walked to the door, her bare feet padding softly on the carpet and opened it. It was William holding a bunch of flowers out to Anne. She glanced behind her shoulder hoping Frederick did not see who it was and closed the door partially.
"What do you want?" Her voice showed her displeasure in seeing him.
"I came to see what was the matter, Anne. I don't know what I did but whatever it is, I'd like to apologize. Can't we start over?" William gave her puppy dog eyes. C'mon, honey, say yes.
Anne sighed heavily. She glanced once more at Frederick who was on his feet and had an expression on his face that almost frightened her. She smiled at him reassuringly and then turned her attention to William. "Just a moment." She closed the door. William waited for about four seconds when the door opened back up. William, who was looking at his watch was surprised to see Frederick standing in front of him with his arms crossed.
"Aaaaa... I ah... didn't know you were here ah... Freddie. I was just here to ah... check up on Anne. You know, see how she's doing. See if she needs anything. You know." William felt his palms start to sweat and his bowels loosen as this behemoth of a man stood before him and barred the way. He tried to look over Frederick's shoulder but couldn't see past it.
Frederick closed the door quietly behind him and walked up to William until all that he could see was the fire in Frederick's eyes. He spoke low and succinctly. "Anne doesn't need anything from you." He grabbed William by the arm, a bit more rough than necessary perhaps, and escorted him to his car. He held William in a vice-like grip as he fumbled for his keys. William neglected to turn off his car alarm so the whole neighborhood was bathed in a loud cacophony until his clumsy thumb found the small disconnect button. Frederick nudged him into the car, throwing the flowers in after him then slammed the door on the bewildered man inside. William took one last look at Frederick standing in front of Anne's building like a dark-haired Viking protecting his goddess. Frederick waited until William was gone before he turned back to go upstairs. He looked up at the balcony and saw Anne, her hands on the railing and leaning over smiling down at him.
She had worried about Frederick's reaction. Memories of those days in college when a careless word about her would send him in a fit of rage and into a fight filled her thoughts but as she watched the scene below, she felt relief course through her veins. She was glad, much as she would like to see William brought to his knees, but she thought that Frederick was above that. He'd promised that the last fight in Thailand would be the last and he'd kept his word. She was proud of him and smiled broadly as Frederick stood in the parking lot watching the car drive away. She beckoned to him when he looked up at her.
Frederick went up the stairs three at a time. Really, the elevator was just too slow. Frederick got to Anne and swept her up into his arms and carried her into the apartment.
The End.
One last thing before I go. I'd like to give my thanks and appreciation to everyone who read this story and encouraged me to go on. I was very nervous about starting it, which I did on a whim, and I almost gave up several times. I have special gratitude for Carol who was my editor in chief and a big moral booster when I had my doubts, which was very often. It was because of Carol that I didn't give up after the seventh or eight chapter. I'd also like to thank Cathy and Peg and Lu for egging me on, gee, it's so nice to be wanted. Also, more thanks to Ann and Kathlyn who had to edit and archive this story and for their dedication in keeping up the board for us Jane Austen Junkies. I would write down everyone's name who responded but I wouldn't have the space to do it and I would probably forget someone so let me just say a big thank you to you all. THANK YOU!! Mwwaaaahhh!Now I'll bow out gracefully trying not to trip on the rug as I go.
What's amazing to me is that I did it under 30 chapters. See what happens when you skip over Mrs. Clay and Mrs. Smith?